What You Resist Will Persist: An Uncomfortable Conversation With Yourself

I keep coming back to this quote: "what you resist will persist."

One of my mentors said this to me on a coaching call, and I swear I felt my jaw hit the damn FLOOR. It was such an AHA moment because the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized how many areas of my life this applied to. And especially when it comes to nutrition, our behaviours, and all the things we keep telling ourselves we're going to do.

How many times are we going to do this???

How many times have you told yourself you're FINALLY going to start taking your nutrition seriously? So you cut out ALL sugar, start drinking some weird ass coffee that tastes like dirt, and buy a greens powder because some girl on Instagram swears by it. Now you're plugging your nose every morning trying to get the damn thing down.

OR maybe you're the girl who tells herself "no more drive-thru sweet treats this week." You meal prep your lunches, get everything organized, and then your coworker goes, "Hey, I'm ordering lunch. Do you want anything?" and you IMMEDIATELY jump on that train because GOD FORBID a woman eat the lunch she packed for herself 😭

And then it happens again. And again. Until it's the end of the year, everyone's posting their little recaps of everything they've accomplished, and you're sitting there thinking, FUCKKKKK. HOW AM I HERE AGAIN???

And the thing is, you KNOW what you want. You've probably spent hours thinking about it, planning for it, researching it, and convincing yourself that THIS time is going to be different. But then you find yourself doing the exact same things you promised yourself you wouldn't do.

And instead of getting curious about why, you decide you need moreeeeee discipline, another workout set (guilty AF here) or change absolutely everything.

Girllll, I get it, I've been there. Do you know how many summers I spent feeling so damn uncomfortable in my body???

I'd convince myself that 1300 calories was enough food because I wanted to lose weight FAST. I'd restrict my food, try to follow some ridiculous plan, and then find myself in the Tim Hortons drive-thru ordering a sour cream glazed donut. I'd eat the entire thing in two bites, feel like absolute shit about myself, promise I'd be better tomorrow, and then do the EXACT same thing again.

For YEARS.

And the wildest part is that I spent so much of that time trying to figure out what was wrong with me instead of getting curious about WHY I kept repeating the same behaviours.

"It's because I have ADHD."

"I just want something quick that's going to fix it overnight."

And then I got my ADHD diagnosis. Did everything magically change??? NOPE. Sure fucking didn't.

Understanding my ADHD helped me understand myself, but it didn't automatically change the behaviours I'd spent YEARS practising. I still had to get honest about my routines, my environment, my triggers, my values, and the things I kept avoiding.

That's when I started seeing change.

The conversations I DESPERATELY needed to have with myself

It happened when I stopped avoiding the conversations I DESPERATELY needed to have with myself. I'd convince myself I needed a sweet treat or I needed to doom scroll for hours to get some form of release. I needed to escape whatever I was feeling instead of learning how to sit with it.

And don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a sweet treat or spending some time scrolling on your phone. But I had to start asking myself WHY I was doing these things.

Was I eating because I was hungry? Because I genuinely wanted something sweet? Or because I was uncomfortable and wanted something to distract me from whatever I was feeling? Was I scrolling because I wanted to relax? Or because I had something I needed to do and didn't want to deal with the discomfort of doing it?

Because those are two different conversations.

I needed to learn how to navigate my emotions without making it an identity crisis or sweeping my goals under the rug. And I don't know about you, but don't you get fed up hearing yourself complain about the same thing over and over again without actually putting in the work???

I know I did. I was SO fed up with having the same conversations with myself, making the same promises, and then wondering why I wasn't getting any closer to the things I wanted.

You get to feel uncomfortable AND take responsibility

Here's something I want to talk about because I feel like it gets missed in so many conversations about behaviour change. Getting honest with yourself doesn't mean you need to start beating yourself up.

Because YES, feelings of shame and guilt will come up when you start looking at the behaviours you've been repeating. You might realize you've spent years avoiding something. You might recognize that you've been making excuses, or that some of the things you've been doing aren't helping you get where you want to go. And you might feel like absolute shit about it.

But those feelings get to exist without becoming your entire identity. You get to recognize, "Oh, this makes me feel guilty," without turning it into "I'm such a failure, I never follow through, I'm never going to change."

Because there's a difference between acknowledging a behaviour you want to change and deciding that behaviour defines who you are.

You get to feel uncomfortable AND take responsibility for changing your behaviours.

You don't have to immediately escape the feeling, convince yourself you're a failure, or abandon your goals because something didn't go according to plan. And this is something I've had to practice myself (and still do every. single. day.).

Learning how to experience uncomfortable emotions without immediately trying to make them disappear. If every time something feels difficult, frustrating, or uncomfortable, you look for a way to avoid it, how are you ever going to build the skills to navigate those situations differently?

You can't keep expecting yourself to change while avoiding the very things you need to work through. You don't get through it without learning how to feel it.

And THESE are the kinds of things we work on inside Becoming Her.

You want the results, but are you willing to practice the behaviours?

Here's something I've had to learn: you can want something SO badly and still be avoiding the behaviours involved in getting there. And I say this as someone who spent years doing exactly that.

I wanted to feel confident in my body, but I was constantly punishing it. I wanted to trust myself, but I kept making promises I wouldn't follow through on. I wanted to be consistent, but when things got uncomfy, I'd convince myself I needed to switch everything up. And then I'd wonder why nothing was changing. GIRL 😭

At some point I had to ask myself, am I willing to become the person who does the things I'm constantly saying I want to do? Because wanting something and practicing the behaviours involved in getting there are two different things.

You might want to feel confident in your body, but are you willing to learn how to fuel it properly instead of constantly trying to eat less? You might want to feel more in control of your nutrition, but are you willing to get curious about the situations where you feel out of control? You might want to trust yourself, but are you willing to start following through on the things you tell yourself you're going to do?

And listen, this doesn't mean forcing yourself through every uncomfortable situation or ignoring the fact that life happens. It's about learning how to respond to those situations without immediately throwing everything you've been working toward out the window.

You don't need the dream body to start becoming her

I don't have my dream physique YET, and I'm okay with that. But you know what I DO have? The opportunity to practice the behaviours of the woman I'm becoming RIGHT NOW!!!

I get to build routines I enjoy, eat foods I actually like, and learn how to navigate uncomfortable emotions without abandoning my goals. I get to figure out what I value, what kind of lifestyle I want, who I surround myself with, and what I want my everyday life to look like. And I get to practice those things BEFORE I have everything I want.

Because imagine someone handed you your dream body tomorrow. Would you have the behaviours, routines, and skills to maintain it? Would you know how to navigate a stressful week without immediately abandoning your nutrition? Would you know how to eat in a way that supports your goals without feeling like you need to restrict everything you enjoy? Would you know how to have an off day without deciding the entire week is ruined?

These are the things worth working on. And NO, this doesn't mean being perfect. For the love of god, PLEASE eat the donut if you want the donut.

It's about understanding WHY you're making the choices you're making instead of spending another year repeating behaviours you don't even feel good about. Because I spent so many years thinking I needed to become a completely different person to have the things I wanted, when what I needed was to start understanding myself, my behaviours, and what was getting in my way.

So, what are you resisting right now?

I want you to think about this for a second. What behaviour do you keep repeating that you KNOW isn't getting you closer to where you want to be? What conversations have you been avoiding having with yourself?

Is it recognizing that the way you're approaching nutrition isn't supporting you? Is it accepting that you keep using food as a way to cope with uncomfortable emotions? Is it acknowledging that you keep making promises to yourself without creating the conditions to follow through? Or is it accepting that the changes you want are going to require time, repetition, and a willingness to do things differently?

And before you turn this into another reason to feel guilty about yourself, remember that the point isn't to shame yourself into changing. The point is to become aware of what you're doing so you get to start making different choices.

You don't have to wait until you have the body, the confidence, or the lifestyle to start becoming the person who maintains those things. You get to practice those behaviours NOW. And the more you avoid looking at the things keeping you in the same cycle, the longer you risk repeating them.

What you resist will persist.

AND if this hit a little too close to home, I happen to have 1:1 coaching inside Becoming Her. funny how that works 🙂‍↕️

Apply for 1:1 coaching here 🤍

Martina